Pringles

Today, I feel like writing things that I never dreamed I would write. Not my usual fare, and maybe not yours. Oh well. Suck it.

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My grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's my first year of college. I've lived in the house next to hers for the vast majority of my life. I don't think I can really describe it, but she's not really like the usual grandmother--the one you see every now and then and gives you candy and stuff when your mom isn't looking. She's lived with us, basically, but only in a different house.

Anyway. When I came home for the summer after my freshman year, it was... I dunno. She seemed a tad bit more forgetful, but that was it. She was the same. What bothered me more was how she looked much more frail. She'd always been that big and strong kind of grandmother, stubborn as an ox and with its charging power. I didn't dare say anything about the frailty or the disease, either. It would have upset her, I think. She was a nurse in an ER for a gazillion years and loathed being sick herself.

I spent more time than usual with her that summer. At the cost of spending time with other people, of course, and I ended up losing stuff because of it but I don't regret that for a second. I remember a friend of mine from high school ended up calling my house phone and actually leaving messages...but I never really got along with him anyway. I wonder what he wanted.

ANYHOW. When I came back from my sophomore year of college, for this summer....well. Today was the first day my grandmother failed to recognize who I was.

She's completely gone. It's like I've lost her, but she's still alive. I can't even go into everything right now.

If you have older relatives you love...think about all this and go spend time with them, if you can. Even if you have to sacrifice other things--but like I said, I personally don't regret it. Nothing can be worse than watching someone's soul shrink inside themselves.