Goddammit, Lady Gaga.

I like your music. I really, really do. (Well, most of it. That one about Summerboys was like--GOD MOGMI WHAT THE FUCK GET OFF MY DESK JESUS MAHOGANY CHRIST

Sorry. My roommates' cat likes to jump on my desk and in my face when I least expect it. I didn't even hear him come in. Fuck.

Anyway. Back to Gaga. Recently, she did this act where she dressed as a mermaid and performed in a wheelchair.

Little Monsters: "omg gaga u so origamalz i wish i were as creeative as u <3 <333 xD"

Anyone over the age of 25: "Oh no you didn't, hussy."

Bette Midler did this crap yeeeears ago. And she made it its own character, so she didn't have to worry about people blowing their blood clots and going "omg u maek fun of handicapz!!11" And when confronted about it, you're going to say that it's a coincidence and now it's a retroactive tribute to Bette?

Why do you do this to me, Gaga. It's okay, though. I appreciate someone who tributes Bette Midler, whether retroactively, purposefully, or shamefully.

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By the way, kids, I graduated. Yep, I now possess a bachelor's degree in Chemistry. Yay me. Sparklers and shit. Bring out your gays, etc.

I find it curious that it's such an anti-climactic event. Not only for me, but for my bitches as well. My best doormat, Lan Chi, said to me the other day: "O Magnificent one, I don't feel any different. It's like before AND after sex with you."

After I finished bitchslapping her, we talked about how we're maybe just too young and stupid to understand the full impact of something so awesome as getting your first degree! Okay, no we didn't, cause that thought didn't occur to me until after. But no matter, she wouldn't have understood me anyway. She's a woman.

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Anyway, yes. I have my own degree. I can do anything. Jobs, careers, education, whatever. The world is my oyster.

Oysters are fucking gross.

Random fact of the day: When I hear Imogen Heap singing "Hide and Seek," I always think the first line is "Dust has just begun to form crap circles in the carpet."

Ciao.