Excellent Title!

I'm going to try my hand at this 'daily journal entry' thing. Flounce on out, Princess Diaries. Get to schleppin', Anne Frank. I'm settling in your town, and I don't pay taxes or visit your fountain area.

Waking up this morning resulted in the same inner bitch-debate as always.

"Should I go to French, or should I enjoy this sleep a little while longer until I have to drag myself to the 12:20?"

French begins at 11:15. Yes, I know. People who get up at 7 a.m. for class would fricassee my testicles if they heard me complaining that I have to get up at 10. But what do I care? I like sleeping. But I also like French and my teacher, so I went.

Vocab lesson. Whoo. The only good thing was the very noticeable absence of this skank named Sunny. Not her real name, by the way. She's a scary-looking Asian girl with a voice like a PMSing foghorn.

I'm terrified of her.

My professor is always hounded by abrupt, ridiculous questions from her that usually can be translated to "Hey, bitch, I want to not learn and get an A." And the poor woman just VERY, VERY tactfully informs her that she'll have to actually learn something and be tested on it. Not that the class is hard. It's actually pathetically easy. But hey, not all Asians are smart. Some of them have to be obnoxious sociopaths.

After that was calculus and then physics. Nothing interesting ever happens in these classes. I don't talk, I just learn. I don't even talk to Johnathon, who sits next to me in physics. Not that I could, cause he skipped. He was probably either banging Pearston (Pierceton? Peerstonne? Who knows), banging Lan Chi, or busily impressing a busy person with a busy job and busy name. Time well spent.

I got back to my room and discovered pants that had obviously been shucked off in a great hurry next to my bed. Girl pants. Hm.

After Melissa got her pants back, I forced her to accompany me to the Canteen so I could eat my usual 3:00 lunch.

Making people watch me eat is a specialty of mine.

During the whole stuffing my face period, an elderly man came over to our booth. Melissa had chosen it because it was in the back corner behind a pillar, which made her feel like we were on a romantic outing. But that didn't deter this man.

"I've seen you guys here a lot, what are your names?!"

We told him our names. At least Melissa did. I barely looked up from my awesome-ass sandwich.
"Oh ok, nice to meet ya... I'm Joe, but I also did the Little Caesar commercials. Pizza Pizza!"

My reaction was a mixture of wonder and exasperation. I'm not sure what Melissa's was. But the guy really did sound like the "Pizza Pizza!" man. And he probably was, so that's amazing. But weird shit like this happens to us all the time. I've had it up to here with God's fuckery.

After that, we returned to our rooms with the intent of going to MoeJoe's, where I could get work done and Melissa would blog. But then Khoa came back from class.

I should probably tell you about Khoa.

Khoa is my suitemate. And my boyfriend or something. He's Vietnamese, 20, and shorter than me with the typical Asian hair/eyes and the atypical obsession with little boys.

Okay, I'm kidding. He's a little compact ball of cuteness. He also fudges his plurals, which is even cuter. It's also cute when he says 'dat' instead of 'that.' He can also spell better than Johnathon and Tyler, which is his most awesome feature.

He also has image-keeping issues in public. Not so cute. This is something he has in common with Johnathon and Tyler, which is one of the few things that leads me to believe that Melissa's MBTI/enneagram sermons have a basis in truth. And here I thought Melissa lied like all women.
Anyway, Khoa came with us to MoeJoe's and now they're both gone. As of now, they are probably working off their imaginary fat at Fike, Clemson's gymnasium.

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The word gymnasium makes me think of Harry Potter. I don't know why. I think I would have been a marvelous professor at Hogwarts, by the way.

"Mister Pham! Unhand Brandis's quill right this instant, or I will transfigure your penis into a live Fire Crab."
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There you have it--a short glimpse into the life of a college student. I'd write more, but I can't be assed. And I feel as if this post isn't up to snuff and is totally pointless to anyone except those I mentioned in it. If you're not one of those people, don't worry. I have a brilliant post prepared about more general topics, like how Obama is indeed a black person and simultaneously president, and also how refrigerators make the things inside them colder. See you next time.