This post is about Lan Chi.
Picture a little girl. 5'5, 5'6? Asian. Black hair/eyes. Dresses mostly in black too, sometimes with other colors. Giggles a lot. Obsessive-compulsive. Cute. And pure evil.
That's Vincey.
Lan Chi is Vietnamese and similar to Vincey, only with black-rimmed glasses and what I'll call "fashionable" hats, but this is only through other people's information. I'd just call them ...big.
She borders on split-personality syndrome, by the way. I'll call them her "voices." She has her normal voice, which she uses when she meets people, talks to friends whilst in a neutral mood, and stalks her prey.
She also has a cutesy voice, which she uses to cajole people into doing things for her. Like give her salt, food, and medication. And tampons. Maybe even grades! The horror. This voice also doubles as Bubbles from the Powerbitch Girls.
Then there's her sarcasm voice. I hear this one the most--usually when I tell her she should bed me or I touch myself in her presence. Sometimes this voice is inaudible and accompanied by profanities. Far more often, however, is it just used for bitchin'. Good ol' bitchin'. We're all so good at that.
She's also very creative. I remember this one time where I was dry humping her...
"CRAIG! If you don't get off of me RIGHT NOW, I will chop you up and feed you to sharks and GIGGLE while they devour all the pieces of your rotten BODY!!"
Charming girl, really.
Overall, Lan Chi is a sweet girl who would stab you in the face, rather than in the back. You and her should be friends. I think she'd like you.
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On another note, nothing interesting happened today. We lost a barista at our favorite coffee shop today, but everyone and their third cousin twice-fucked has written about that. She didn't die, she just quit. Which is basically the same for us. All of our favorite baristas are leaving...When these new people come in, I won't be getting discounts on the downlow for a good while. Even longer if they're bitches.
I think I like these posts of mine where I talk about my friends. Perhaps I'll expand...and talk about you, reader. Yeah, you. Squinty eye.
Au revoir.
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2 comments:
talk about moi?
eesh I hope not! Lan Chi sounds a lot like my Viet friend Hang....
Ah, Lan Chi. Spot on, old boy.
You should do Johnathon next. Save the best (aka, your delicious Mei-Flower) for last. :P
You are, as always, an island of sex in a sea of celibacy. Keep doing what you're doing. The people need you. Can you hear them sing?
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