You know, I've never considered keeping a blog.
I've read plenty. Some of my friends in high school developed a miniature yet alarming fascination with blogs--reading them, writing them, posting mock-nude photos on them. Now that I think about it, there's probably still an abandoned blog of mine somewhere that my friend Audrey demanded I make. I still remember--it's a sky-blue little number with frills that jingles to an "Under the Sea" MIDI I jacked from an outlet store.
And it was a Xanga. Yes. For those who don't know what Xanga is...imagine the feces stuck to Myspace's shoe. Xanga's the coffee Myspace drank that morning.
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I suppose I should say something about myself for future reference, in case I'm barbecued by a sorority and the only trace of my existence is on blogspot.com.
I am a nineteen year old college student. I'm a undergraduate majoring in chemistry at my university, but lately I find myself spending more time lubing myself to get fucked by math and physics problems. Darn those pre-reqs.
My free time is quite literally spent at a coffee shop downtown. I'm pretty sure I'm what cancels out their overhead.
If I'm not there, you can probably find me playing some sort of video game--be it DDR, Smash Brothers Brawl, or Pong. Lately, I've taken to replaying some of the classics of my youth with my friend Melissa watching. Her parents are Amish or something and have declared that women's fingers are too molded to thimbles to be manipulating controllers, so they never let her play anything. Or so she says. She is a woman, so you can never be sure if she's telling the truth.
If I'm not doing either of those things, I'm probably eating. And not gaining any weight, to the dismay of many of the females around me. Sweet, delicious, ultimate revenge.
Whatever else I do is none of your damn business, yet. Maybe I'll reveal more later. Talking about myself is boring--it's like reading a very familiar book aloud, yet painfully slowly and with dictionary cross-references. I envy the people who do it all the time. You've gotta have some fricking badass mental fortitude to do that.
Just to let you know, my lovely reader(s), I'm not sure where this blog is going yet...
My aforementioned friend Melissa's blog reminds me of a smoky, exotic restaurant where poetry is abundant but is actually a bathhouse-slash-brothel when you take a closer look. Free-writing is encouraged, and so is nudity. Prolific nudity. Danielle Steele would be proud.
My friend Lan Chi's blog is a testament to her personality--A scatterbrained commentary of the absolutely mortifying things that happen to her every day. Also prolific, but in a more Nutty Professor kind of way. The Jerry Lewis kind, not the Eddie Murphy kind. Although, don't tell her I read her blog. Or that anyone reads it. She'd be shocked. If she believed you in the first place.
My friend Johnathon's (yes, that is how you spell his name) blog has a grand total of about four posts to this date. About a paragraph or two each, all about political status or influence of some sort. Maybe that's his theme. Melissa left a bitchy comment on one of the posts that is longer than all of Johnathon's combined. I lol'd.
Melissa's boyfriend, Tyler, also has a blog. Both of their personalities shine through the posts, which are results of Melissa encouraging (sometimes called demanding and coercing in the lower classes) him to "freewrite." Unfortunately, Tyler's architectural forte is not steamy brothels. It's more along the lines of a McDonald's playpen, Mexican crackpipes and all.
....
I think I'll just write whatever comes to mind. Got any ideas?
2 comments:
Hello, dear Craig.
Well, I'm pleasantly surprised. Not surprised that your blog is awesome, of course-- I knew it would be-- but because you were a lot less mean than your ususal bitch self. Which would usually be a bad thing, but since you were talking about me, I was quite happy. I liked your description of my blog; it made me blush with deeeep pleasure.
Maybe you have some affection for your friends, deep (vagina deep) inside... even Tyler and Johnathon.
As for what you should write about... ehhh, my first reaction is that it's up to you, but since you want suggestions...
The first question you have to ask yourself is whether you want your blog to have a theme, like Johnathon's and (somewhat) mine. It helps you get a larger readership, if you are interested in that, and it might make it easier to figure out what to write about. If you're going to do a theme, you'd probably want to do something a bit looser, like mine, rather than something impersonal and pompous like Johnathon. It really depends how comfortable you feel about writing about yourself. Choose something that you know about, or you feel has importance in your life.
Err... this is all too general for you, isn't it? I feel like this is all really obvious shit. Okay. Specific suggestions.
Personally, I like the idea of you just keeping a journal, like Lan Chi. Of course, this is because I am your friend, and am therefore interested in what you have to say. If you want to get a lot of other people to read it, this is more of a gamble, since they don't really know who you are talking about. But since you are a good, funny writer, you still have a chance of getting "outsiders" to read something like that. It would be like reading an epistolary novel.
Or you could do something like what I've done, and named some sort of central theme in your life, and make that the unifying force of your blog. Like life as a liberal in a conservative college. A lot of the interactions we have in our group are based on this idea that we are outsiders in the Clemson culture, bla, bla, bla. You get the idea.
I doubt you want to go the Johnathon route.
Or the Tyler route.
Or the route where you write simply about an area of expertese (a blog about chemistry. woo.) I feel like that's too limiting for you.
Just go with your interests. Write what you like to write.
As for things I'd like to see you post about:
-the Moe Joe's gang
-the funny stories you write in your notes
-your relationship with Kwap
-anything about your friends, really
-Clemson football weekends
-Pierceton (still have no idea how to spell that bitch's name. Nor, I suspect, does Johnathon)
-having Tyler as a roomate
-your friends from home
-comparing and contrasting the couples in our group
-how much math sucks
-why you like chemsistry
-ddr
-a pompous post about politics, in honor of our dear biiIIIItch!!
-etc.
Um, doubt this was helpful.
I curse my verbosity!
Love and Puppies,
Mei-Mei the Vagina Queen
Craig. You. Are. Hilarious.
Don't ever change.
I love your blog. Absolutely lurve it. Tee-hee. Very dead-on about the characterization of your friends. Well, in that pissy, bluntly honest, only-Craig-could-do-this-and-get-away-with-it kind of way. (Geez, so many stupid dashes...)
We should get Vincey and Jaclyn to read it. Your blog, I mean. Not the dashes.
Anyway, since I'm me, I won't tell you what to write with your blog and to keep it short, I'm going to end soon.
P.S. Your blog is like splendid ice cream. The kind of ice cream you eat on a scorching day and that makes you forget you had to go to the bathroom for the last half-hour. Peace.
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