Evil.
My week has been completely evil.
The highlight was my honors class in forestry. Don't ask.
Did I mention I hate spiders and birds? Spiders are just evil. And birds...well. When I was like three or four, my aunt took me to a pet store. This parakeet/parrot thing flew at us and she ran. Leaving me to fend off this rabid bird. Fuck.
Anyway, at forest class. We meet with our guide for the day.
A spider and bird expert.
HDSFOIAHEWOIFNMAIWOFNAE FUCK MY EYES.
Seriously. He lured spiders out with grasshoppers, which we witnessed get bitten by huge pregnant eight-legged freaks, and he basically shoved our faces into a nest of actual black widows. Which he then proceeded to "feed."
Then he found these wasp nests filled with spider corpses and pulled them all out and showed them to us. That wasn't even the best part. He showed me something, and asked what I saw. I told him I saw a spider hanging on its thread, and he said to look closer. And I did, and I saw way too many legs, so I said it was two spiders. And he goes "Yeah, they're mating!"
Jesus. At one point this freak had baby spiders crawling all over him. And when I introduced myself and my major, he said he failed Organic twice when he was at my university.
I believe this man is my true mortal enemy.
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I related this story to Melissa and Lan Chi, on the way to Chick-fil-A. We took the shortcut through this little park/playground thing, and as I was screaming "AHHH FUCK SPIDERS," we round the corner and an entire army of little kids was staring at me. With their little accusing eyes. Staring. It was like the Von Trapp Family Jury.
..Somewhat satisfying, now that I think on it.
Stay tuned!
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4 comments:
I like birds because they eat spiders.
I am pretty sure if I were in that class I would need a paper bag to hyperventilate into.
hyperventilating would be a must for me in that class.
I still can't believe you told me about that. *cries*
I remember exactly what you said.
"So he takes out this grasshopper and throws it into the web. And then this...BIG. FUCKING. SPIDER comes and BAM! BAM! BAM!" *makes fist pounding motion*
And that's when we rounded the corner and realized that you were going to hell for debasing the virgin ears of the innocent little children.
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